Not yet

I could easily replace my full time job by being Gracie's social and events coordinator. I doubt it would pay as well, but it would certainly fill up my time and, while not likely professionally very rewarding, it would certainly be challenging. The girl has turned into Polly Popular overnight. Her calendar overflows and I've found myself in more than one awkward situation trying to navigate overlapping obligations on her behalf.

Tonight her girl scout leader called and asked if she could come over for dinner at her house before swim team. Grace has fulfilled her swim team obligations for the week, but I understood the dynamic immediately. 4 or 5 little teeny boppers giggling and planning in the backseat while accomo-mom calls parent after parent making arrangements. I did the math in my head quick and decided we could make it work. 20 minutes ago, Grace and her friend breezed through the house, changed clothes, stomped back downstairs and dashed out the door. She was home for a grand total of 15 seconds.

I'm not ready for this yet. I'm not ready to lose her to the world. I know I'm being dramatic, but it was an odd afternoon around here--the queen took a long afternoon nap, and the middle twosome played quietly within view of my kitchen window with a neighbor. I was alone in my house (I mean, as alone as I get these days--baby asleep upstairs, and 2 kids in the backyard). I know I should celebrate these rare moments of peace and accomplishment, but I found myself imagining a lot of years away to when I can keep my house clean and my meals can be prepared two handed night after night. I found another reason to be grateful for my paid job--I'll have something to fill my days when those pounding feet and shrieking fights are replaced by silence.

I'm also not ready to deal with the new maze of mommy social implications. I understand that everyone loves Grace. She is kind and smart and sweet as the day is long. She is the kind of kid all parents want their kids to hang out with (me included). But she also seems to have struck the remarkable balance of also being the kind of kid all other kids want to hang out with. (My theory is that all people are drawn to hearts that pure). I, on the other hand, find myself in the odd position of being a bit, how should I put it, sucked up to? Mom of the cool kid? What? Having never been the cool kid myself, I just don't get it. What is expected of me here?

Take swim team, for example. I had set up a good arrangement with another mom last season. We live just 2 blocks apart and the obligation for the girls was 2 practices a week. So we would talk each Sunday and we would agree on what nights worked for both families; she would drive one night and I would drive the other. It worked. She also happens to work full time (and could possibly be the only other person I know on the planet who is more overscheduled than me) so she understood my perpetual lateness and general aura of constant chaos. The girls were late, say, 50% of the time (and not ALWAYS in my half!) but we were all cool.

This season, 3 other girls have joined the team. These three girls all love Grace and so I find myself the constant recipient of invitations for carpooling and before/after adventures, sleepovers, meals out etc. I know the simple answer is to just say no and stick with Plan A, but I'm not there yet. (Isn't it funny--yesterday I gladly told off two grown men who outrank me at work over a subject I care far less about than my oldest child--but when it comes to this new maze of mommy obligations I turn into a quivering, timid mess?) It doesn't help that one of the moms is my cool friend Char (who told me this weekend, "I'm not saying I have to be drunk to have a good time. I'm just saying it usually works out that way" see? Love her). The other is possibly the most accomodating, helpful, friendly mom I've met (well, maybe second) who also has brought Gracie home from every girl scout meeting since girl scouts began 2 years ago. And I have a variety of feelings for each of their respective daughters.

So, long story short, is, I'm not ready for this yet! I want to come home at night and nurse a baby and read books with the others. I want to do laundry and make supper and then cuddle up in front of the TV for a little bit. I DON'T want to race from soccer field to swimming pool to school yard without a breath in between. And I KNOW I am the one writing the checks and scheduling the calendar. So I'm sure I'll strike some sort of balance eventually. It's just that old system (the one where my babies all went to one place every day and we came home for good all together afternoon) is one that I've mastered. This new one with all these 'tween social dynamics and updated mom responsibilities is foreign to me. I'm sure in a few years I'll have this down and stroll cooly through these issues the way I handle all of the queen's infant and toddler drama without breaking a sweat (you know, theoretically). But I sure don't right now. Not yet.